


I'll Drag You Down With Me

by threepink



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Fanboy Katsuki Yuuri, Implied Kidnapping, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Not Beta Read, Obsessive Behavior, Yandere, Yandere Victor Nikiforov, love sick, syringes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-07 15:37:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8806543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threepink/pseuds/threepink
Summary: Katsuki Yuuri is the only one who is able to crack Victor Nikiforov's mask.The one who cracks the mask should love and embrace the man behind it. And if they don't, well, Victor had always been very good at persuading people...





	1. i hate you, i love you

Ice Castle Hasetsu is starting to get very good business, considering how it is located in a small, quiet town by the sea.

It must be from all the figure skating hype in the media, Yuuri muses. Ice skating was starting to become a big hit in the world of sports, and the attractive and charismatic figure skaters sure helped boost its popularity.

Working at an ice skating rink had to mean he somewhat liked the sport, and it shows. And while he enjoys gliding through ice in the rink during its afterhours and watching figure skating live on television, there was something, or _someone_ , that had him hooked as a fan.

Victor Nikiforov, world renowned figure skater, performs breathtaking performances on ice that captivates everyone watching. He has the figure of a model, lean and flexible, and sports exotic glassy cerulean eyes and silver hair. He’s a dream, an ice prince, a living legend. He’s flawless, divine, a fantasy that came to life.

Yuuri’s definitely not the first special snowflake to declare he’s infatuated with the idea of him.

Yuuri’s never really had an ex-girlfriend or an ex-boyfriend, but he often fantasizes about going on dates with Victor. Victor would take him around the world, wherever he wanted, and cherish him. They would live in a small, modern apartment, along with Victor’s poodle, and maybe even adopt a child.

Of course it’s all just silly imagination. Yuuri would probably just end up settling down with a Japanese girl and maybe work at the ice skating rink forever. It’s not necessarily a bad future, just….a pretty dull one, if he had to be honest.

He doesn’t let himself get carried away with these daydreams too often, anyways. Whenever he opens his eyes, sees the rink in all its familiar, dull glory, he’s slapped with the sobering reality that he’s just an average person in a big world.

Yuuri smacks his head when he realizes that it’s nearly closing time. Maybe. He left his phone at home and the clock they have in the rink needs new batteries before it shows anything other than 3am, so he can only estimate the time by looking at the sky. It does look pretty dark. He sighs.

Did Yuuko and Takeshi already return home? ……Oh, right, it was his turn to close up the rink. God, he’s too tired to remember these kinds of things. Well, no one’s here, so it’s probably safe to say that everyone already left when he was daydreaming and that its way past closing time.

He walks home right after locking up the doors. The sky looks nice tonight, with twinkling stars and all. Yuuri chooses to look at his feet instead.

There’s nothing much to look forward to when he gets home, other than, well, Victor. His mom would probably just prepare him some simple dish and he would watch some television before sleeping. He can already see how glorious his idol would look in the competition he would inevitably destroy.

Maybe tomorrow he could ask for some katsudon for breakfast. Victor would probably make him katsudon in their apartment if he asked for it, and feed it to him in bed, and they would spend all day cuddling, and-

Yuuri pauses his walk, shakes his head once, twice for good measure, and slaps himself. He feels better afterwards.

He hates being a fan sometimes.

When he finally returns home, his mom gives him some rice and soup before heading to bed. While everyone is dead asleep, he goes to the main room, sits down, switches on the television, and feels alive once again when Victor smiles on the screen.

 

His sister kicks him awake.

Groaning, he gets up from the floor and notes with a grimace that he had managed to successfully make his back ache like hell. She tells him that he’s an idiot for staying up late, to which he nods while yawning, and after greeting his parents and eating his breakfast he heads to work.

He greets the old fisherman who is always there early in the morning. The fisherman looks cheerful enough, and even gleefully tells him that he managed to catch quite a large fish a few minutes prior to their conversation.

After praising his skills and waving him goodbye, Yuuri stuffs his hands down the pockets of his old jacket and yawns again as he faces the large expanse of blue sky above him. This is what he gets for daydreaming at work and watching television late into the night. Besides, they have a coffee machine.

When he enters, Yuuko is already there. She doesn’t seem to notice him until he clears his throat. “Oh, Yuuri, good morning! Did you have a good night’s sleep?” Yuuko smiles. “Don’t worry; it’s Takeshi’s turn to close up tonight.”

Yuuri nods his head. “I slept well, thank you.” Soon, they slip into their familiar routine of scrubbing the counters, arranging the shoes and sweeping the floor. When he’s distracted, he doesn’t think so much about everything else, so he tends to enjoy cleaning duty more than cashier duty.

“Hello, Yuuri!”

Oh, Takeshi is here. “Good morning!” He calls back.

“Hey, Yuuri, did you hear the news? Victor Nikiforov is planning to go on a break for a while, since it isn’t skating season anymore. What are the odds he’ll come to Hasetsu?”

Yuuko cuts in. “With money like that, I would think he’d go to the more expensive parts of the world. What do you think, Yuuri?”

“A-ah, I don’t know much about him, but-“Yuuri scratches his cheek. “He might want to go somewhere quiet. Maybe not Hasetsu, but-“

“Don’t worry!” Axel, Lutz and Loop pop up from behind the shoe cabinet. “We have follower-spies to help us track his every move!”

 “How many times have I told you not to do that! You can get arrested!”

“Don’t shout at the kids, Yuuko….”

Yuuri picks up his broom and resumes sweeping.

 

 

It’s snowing today, according to his weather app. He didn’t notice any snow when he came by, though….Is it snowing now, or-

“Hello? Is anyone here?”

“Ah, sorry! I’ll be right with you!” He calls out from the back. Quickly, he pockets his phone and heads out to the front counter. “Hello, how can I help…..you….?”

There, standing in full glory, is Victor Nikiforov. He looks even more gorgeous in person. Yuuri feels like he’s been struck by lightning, and he might as well be, because Victor Nikiforov _cannot_ possibly be standing right in front of him. At what point of time did his dreams start coming to life?

“I would like to rent a pair of skates, please.” Hearing his voice through something that isn’t the television or his phone makes him shudder with barely suppressed glee. It sounds deep and honeyed, yet dominant and straightforward. It makes Yuuri’s knees buckle ever so slightly.

This must like a dream come true.

Yuuri finally lift his head up to look at him properly.

When he makes eye contact with Victor, something flashes through the eyes of his idol for a split second. He’s not quite sure what it was, but it’s gone the moment it came. Victor smiles flirtatiously, ivory eyelashes batting at him, and Yuuri’s heart skips a beat.

“W-what size?” He stutters. He really hopes that he doesn’t give into his desire to vomit in excitement.

Victor places his elbows on the counter, leaning his body forward to Yuuri’s personal space. “If I tell you my shoe size, will you step into my life?”

Oh gosh, Victor freaking Nikiforov just executed a pick up line on him, Yuuri Katsuki! He blushes darkly, eyes darting everywhere like a ping pong ball. “I-uh, S-sure! Wait, no, I didn’t-“

“Yuuri? You can go back to cleaning duty now; I’m done with the accounting!”

Yuuri blinks, smiles tightly at the figure skating star, and bolts the hell out of there, nearly knocking Yuuko over in the process.

Yelping, Yuuko looks back to see Yuuri already gone. “What’s gotten into him?” She mutters, right before she faces the legend himself.

“Oh! Victor Nikiforov! How can I help you?”

The silver haired man frowns for a moment too long, staring after where Yuuri left, before he snaps back into attention and looks down at her. “If you don’t mind me asking,” He charmingly grins at her. “Who is that man? Is he your boyfriend?”

“No problem! That’s Katsuki Yuuri, one of Ice Castle Hasetsu’s workers. No he’s not my boyfriend. He’s single, actually.” Yuuko informs him. “Anyways, would you like to rent a pair of skates?”

“…..I see. He just reminded me of someone. Yes, I would like to rent skates, please.”

 

Every day for the past month, Victor Nikiforov comes by to skate for a few hours. It’s amazing for Yuuri to see him live. He couldn’t ever afford a ticket to another country to watch a competition, so this is as close to perfect as he can get.

When someone else comes by and starts flirting with Yuuri, to which he mainly ignores, Victor would masquerade as Yuuri’s boyfriend, and scare them off. Yuuri’s grateful, he really is, but whenever he thanks him for pretending Victor would give him a confused look.

He always only comes during Yuuri’s counter duty, which is strange, because Yuuri’s schedule changes according to the day. His timing is both a gift and a curse, because he would always tease and flirt with Yuuri just to get a kick out of him.

The constant flirting makes his fantasies thrive on new fodder, and Yuuri often finds himself noticing that Victor’s eyes often linger on him whenever he’s around, which might mean he’s genuinely interested in a relationship, but…. Yuuri isn’t sure if he would accept if Victor asked him out on a date. Yuuri knows how these celebrities work.

They date them for a while before dumping them like hot coal when the next cutie comes around. Playing with people’s hearts may be fun, and some victims might be okay with it, but if Yuuri’s heart were to break he’s sure he couldn’t ever recover from it.

He’s too weak.

It’s not like Victor would even ask him out, anyways.

…………….

Victor’s not a bad person, really. Both of them even banter sometimes, although Yuuri still can’t control his stuttering and blushing. The silver haired Russian’s personality is pretty vibrant and charismatic, which makes it easy for Yuuri to carry a conversation with him.

They talk about many things. The figure skating world sounds so simplified in Victor’s words, and he actually can imagine being friends with all the stars, like he’s one of them. Victor is a wonderful story teller. He even says that Yuuri will get to meet them personally next year! It’s so ridiculously funny that he even giggled a little at the time.

He feels lonely when he’s with Victor. It sounds strange, but…..Yuuri feels like he’s getting a taste of what it would be like if he had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. He thinks about how everyone seems to be happily married or dating, and how he’s just barely going day by day.

To make matters worse, his mother literally just told him that if he decides to marry Victor she will fully support him. While Victor was literally right next to him. Victor even thanked her, how embarrassing!

Victor helps him move on with life. He invites him over to his expensive rental house near the rink often. He can’t even imagine having enough money to go wherever he wants and rent whatever he desires. He can’t help but feel insanely envious.

He had laughed when he saw Yuuri’s envious pout.

_“Ah, Yuuri, you’re so cute.” Victor had taken Yuuri’s hand. “When we go back to Russia, we’ll stay at my apartment. It’s really nice, I assure you! Only the best for you, my little katsudon.”_

Victor must have thought that he would visit him in Russia. Yuuri had only blushed darkly and told Victor to stop kidding around. Sometimes the cerulean eyed man was just so ridiculous and silly with all his strange promises.

_“Yuuri, you would look beautiful in the clothes I have back in Russia. Just you wait and see.”_

_“I think you would get along pretty well with Makkachin! We could even get another poodle in Russia! You like poodles, right?”_

_“Don’t look so sad, Yuuri. Soon, we’ll go wherever you want. Now, put down that travel magazine and come skate with me!”_

_“Do you prefer gold or silver?”_

_“Yuuri, what color do you think would suit our wedding best? Hey, don’t hit me, that was a serious question!”_

Victor really is an eccentric guy.

 

Its winter again, Yuuri notes pleasantly. Time passes by really fast.

“Yuuri?”

Yuuri turns back to see Victor returning the shoes. “Ah, sorry, Victor. Look, it’s snowing!” Yuuri points to the window, where frosted snowflakes twisted and danced around.

“How lovely. Say, Yuuri, would you like to come over today? I need to tell you something important.”

The raven took his shoes and walked over to place them back where they belonged. “Sure. My shift is pretty much done, anyways. Just let me tell Yuuko and I’ll be all yours.” Yuuri smiles at Victor before going to the back.

“…..Yes.” The Russian mumbles, fingers gripping his pocket in concentration. “All mine.”

When they walk down the street to Victor’s house, he notes that the older man looks nervous. Yuuri takes Victor’s hand in his and smiles encouragingly, to which he grins back. Soon, they enter Victor’s house.

Ah, it’s so warm in here.” Yuuri sighed, huffing at his fingers to regain some warmth. Victor takes his hands and, ignoring Yuuri’s questioning gaze, gently blew warm air into them. “….Thanks, V-Victor.”

“No problem. Do you want to watch another rerun of the Grand Prix Final? Just tell me the year.”

Yuuri pauses to think before remembering something. “Victor, didn’t you want to tell me something? What was it?”

“…Can we go to the bedroom?”

Yuuri cocked his head. “Why?”

“I have something to show you.”

Going up the stairs was nerve racking. Victor had never invited him to come upstairs before, and he can’t seem to figure out what Victor wanted to show him. His gut tells him something isn’t right, but Yuuri ignores it. He has to stop being so irrational.

They soon come across an old wooden door. Victor opens it and gently pushes Yuuri inside. Looking around, there’s only luggage scattered around. “….Do you have to show me your luggage? Victor…”

“Yuuri, I’m packing up our things. We’re leaving tomorrow.”

The raven feels like Victor punched the air out of him. “Our things? We’re…..we’re leaving?”

Victor gets down on one knee, smiles up at Yuuri, and takes out a velvet box.

Yuuri gasps and takes a step back.

“Yuuri Katsuki, will you marry me?”

The box opens to reveal two golden rings.

He feels like vomiting.

“I love you so, so much Yuuri. I already packed everything for you. We’re leaving at 6 in the morning, tomorrow, to Russia. I already made plans for the wedding, and I’ll- we’ll be so very happy, Yuuri.” Victor takes out the golden ring and begins sliding it on Yuuri’s trembling ring finger.

“You will make me the happiest man ali-“

Yuuri pulls back his hand from Victor’s hold abruptly, causing the ring to bounce away. “V-Victor, we’re not even dating. This isn’t funny! I….I’m willing to date you first, but I can’t marry you right now! Do you even know how ridiculous you sound?”

“Yuuri, listen to me-“

“I can’t leave my family behind! You can’t- I can’t just drop everything to run off into your arms when we never even dated!”

“But we love each other! Yuuri, I know you love me, baby, please-“

“Victor, I-I’m leaving.”

Just as Yuuri took his first step towards the door, Victor grabbed his wrist to stop him from leaving. “Ah! Victor, let go of me!”

“No.”

Yuuri looks straight into Victor’s eyes to tell him off, but as soon as he makes eye contact, Victor’s eyes pierce through him, staring at him with such intensity that Yuuri’s words die in his throat. This isn’t Victor.

The grip on his wrist tightens, and Yuuri cries out in pain. “Victor, you’re scaring me! Let go!”

“Yuuri…”

“We can take it slow! Can we just talk it out? Victor, please-“

“I’m tired of waiting. I’ve been waiting for so long just to get a taste of you, Yuuri, and now, I finally have you in my arms.”

If he can get him to let go he can run to the police station, or call for help. “Just let me go, I want to get my things-“

Victor is looking at him, emotionless, as if he’s prey. Victor doesn’t look at all like the sweet, charming man who likes to flirt with him across the counter and show off on the rink when he knows Yuuri’s watching. His appearance doesn’t change, other than his mouth twisting into a smile that scares the hell out of Yuuri, but his eyes……the window to his soul, they looked hollow, empty.

Insane.

Yuuri’s frightened out of his mind. It feels like Victor’s mask dropped off, and this is the real thing.

The real Victor Nikiforov.

The monster.

“Yuuri…..” Victor smiles gently, pulling him closer, whispering as if he’s speaking to a spooked animal. “I’m the only thing that matters to you right? Material items don’t matter to you as much as I do, _right?_ ”

The Japanese man cried out loudly in pain as the pressure Victor put on his wrist started to become unbearable. “Yes, yes, you’re right, b-but V-Victor let go, please-“

He doesn’t let go. Yuuri finally gains mobility in his legs and tries to kick at him, but Victor only slams him to the ground and straddles him, with Yuuri’s wrists still firmly trapped within Victor’s fingers.

 “I think you’re confused right now. Don’t worry, you’ll feel alright as soon as we leave this horrid town-“

“N-no, I’m not confused. You’re a monster.” Yuuri says, voice trembling in fear. His legs are trapped. “Please let me go. I won’t- I won’t mention this to anyone, please, just let me go!”

“Shh, Yuuri, give me a moment, dear.” Victor presses a kiss to Yuuri’s cheek, lips stained with tears, and swiftly pulls out a syringe that stuck out from his pocket. “I wanted to take you to the airport calmly, with my ring on your finger, but I see you won’t be cooperative. I guess you could call this Plan B.”

Yuuri whimpers. “I’ll go calmly, please, don’t Victor, please-“

“I love you, Yuuri. You’ll see me in the morning.”

The needle pierces through Yuuri’s neck, and everything goes black.

 

…………………

 

“Where have you been during your short hiatus, Mr. Nikiforov? Do you regret letting another competitor take your medal?” The talk show host asks eagerly, hoping to get the newest scoop on the skating legend’s personal life. Victor grins.

“I traveled to Hasetsu to take a break, and I definitely do not regret it. After all, Hasetsu’s where I met the most beautiful man alive, Yuuri Nikiforov.” Said man giggles, smacking Victor teasingly on the head. “Victor! It’s actually Yuuri Katsuki, we’re still engaged.”

Victor presses a kiss to Yuuri’s cheek chastely, uncaring for all the people watching them. “You’re mine, Yuuri Nikiforov. I just want everyone to know that.”

The audience really eats up the whole thing, if the volume of their cheers were any indication.

The host nods, leaning in closer. “Can you tell us more about how you met Victor, Mr. Katsuki? Also, do you get much hassle from his loving fans?”

“Oh, I worked at an ice skating rink, and Victor just came by and flirted with me. I didn’t really like him at the time, but after being around him so much, I’m sure you all would understand why I fell for him. I do get a bit of hassle from his fans, but Victor protects me very fiercely.”

“You both look very much in love! And I agree, considering his popularity and looks, anyone would practically be forced to fall for him, right?”

Yuuri smiles, leaning into Victor and looking up at his loving gaze.

“Right.”


	2. before you came into my life, i missed you so bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prince was saved by the princess.

Evening came, and while he was dozing languidly on his bed, book in hand, a certain passage burned into his eyes and scalded his mind.

_'The princess's love for him broke the spell cast by the witch, and the impassive prince was finally able to feel emotions. The prince proposed to the princess, and they lived happily ever after.'_

Victor teared his eyes from the printed cursive, breathed in, and closed his eyes.

 

He didn't make a sound when he was born.

Victor was calm and quiet, unlike the other babies who would wail loudly in discomfort. This certainly gave a fright to the nurses and doctor in charge, who all assumed immediately that he was a stillborn.

After checking his pulse, the doctor confirmed that he was indeed alive and all of them rejoiced. The baby was alive and whole. And with that, Victor's parents cried in relief and held their baby together.

He would live to smile after all.

 

He was in kindergarten when they realized that there was something wrong with him.

_"Ah, Mr. Nikiforov,"_ His teacher shook hands with his father before both of them sat down on the soft chairs. Everyone knew that the soft chair room was where the naughty kids went. While the thought would have made other kids squirm like the worms he would see during recess in the garden, Victor sat quietly in his seat.

_"What seems to be the problem?"_  

_"Your son is displaying signs of mental impairment. Have you looked into taking him to a psychologist? We can recommend one for you-"_

_"I'm sorry, but what do you mean by 'mental impairment'? My son is perfectly fine!"_

_"He has been completely stoic since his first day. His peers are scared of him because of this, sir. We want to make sure that the learning environment is calm and peaceful in our school, for the children's benefit."_

_"Stoic?"_

The teacher cleared her throat. _"Forgive me for saying this, sir, but Victor here doesn't portray any sort of emotions whatsoever. He doesn't cry, or smile, or get angry, he's just so....impassive."_

Victor could feel his father's eyes on him. _"...He has been rather quiet, but we thought that he was more open at school..."_

_"We have recommended psychologists who specialize in children, but if that doesn't work,"_ She pauses, looking over at Victor with a tired smile. _"I heard that sports can be very good to let out emotions. There's an ice skating rink nearby, maybe he would be interested?"_

They chose the psychologists.

 

His mother was crying in her bedroom again. Victor doesn't understand why she does it so often.

His classmates cry when they trip and bleed or when someone steals their pudding during lunch. He hasn't seen any of that happening to his mother. Why is she crying?

Walking over to the room, he pushed the door open and goes to his sobbing parent. When she sees him looking at her, eyebrows and mouth in a permanent straight line, she tries to stop but it only seemed to get worse. She hiccuped loudly and beckons him over, faded nail polish gleaming gently under the light of the lamp above where her fingers curled.

When he sat at the foot of her bed, her toes gently brushing the ends of his pajamas, she cupped his chin with her wet hand. He looked up at her, blinking softly.

_"Why doesn't the medicine work? Why did the psychologists' tell us that there's no cure?"_ She asked him, tears springing like the waterfalls he'd seen on television. He recognized that the medicine was the hard candy that tasted bad on his tongue and the 'ci-colon-gis' were the people in fancy glasses who sat in the white, silent rooms with his parents. Their words would always make his mother put her head on his father's shoulder and cry. He understood that his parents brought him there to feel better, but-

..........

He doesn't feel anything.

When he shrugged in response to his mother's cries, she grabbed the tall, brown bottle he was not allowed to touch and drink from, and threw it at the fur carpet. It shattered and a shard of glass stabbed him in the leg. Victor looked at his mother's horrified expression, swallowed, and pulled the piece out silently. His mother collapsed in sorrow.

He didn't understand. His mother wanted him to cry from the pain, like the normal kids do, _that_ he could comprehend, but why? Crying was what made his teachers sigh and rub their foreheads, it made his parents laugh together in the supermarket, saying _'Thank goodness Victor doesn't cry like that child in the candy aisle'_ , it made people on the train grit their teeth and burrow their head deeper into their newspapers, it made the bullies in his school laugh at others.

_"Mother....why do you want me to cry? Isn't it bad to cry?"_

She looked at him.

" _If you don't cry,"_ His mother picked up the largest piece of glass on the floor, where the bottle neck was still intact and the ends were all serrated and sharp. _"You would be a monster. No one wants a monster_."

Victor couldn't move. He didn't feel fright, or sadness, or anything. Would the glass help him feel?

The sharp edge was facing his face now, and small flecks of glass still crumbled off the edge. It landed on his pants, like brown, muddy tears, but he didn't really feel it. His mother's eyes looked crazed, sharp like the glass. She smiled.

_"Don't move Victor. This might just snap you out of it-"_

His father suddenly busted through the door, pushing Victor back by the wrist and bared his right hand's palm forward to block the glass. It tore through his hand, and Victor noted that it was much more bloodier and messier than the cuts his classmates would get when they fell on their way to the playground. He screamed in pain, but his other hand didn't leave it's death grip on Victor's wrist.

His mother's shining eyes dulled significantly, and Victor watched as her mouth opened, shaping a circular 'o' shape.

Her shriek resounded through the neighborhood that night, and the cops were even called by the neighbors. They left shortly after, though, when no threat was found. That was another thing he didn't get.

Policemen arrested people who did bad things like trying to hurt others, right?

.....Wasn't his mother trying to do something bad to him, too?

 

 

 

He was introduced to Yakov a week after.

_"Hello,"_ He greeted Victor's parents politely. The boy thought that his mean, old looking face suited his rough voice well. _"Can I help you?"_

_"We're looking for a coach to teach Victor here figure skating. He doesn't show any emotions, so we're hoping that sports may help coax him out of his shell."_ His father told him the day before that Yakov was a well known figure skating coach, and that he must be very polite, so Victor tipped his head in greeting.

Yakov's eyes stayed at the same place, looking straight at his father. Maybe his father missed it, but Victor could tell that Yakov was looking at the white bandages wrapped neatly over his father's hand. Victor kind of wanted to tell him what happened, but his father told him that what happened that night was a secret. 

Yakov finally looked away, opting to analyze Victor. His steely eyes took in Victor's small yet lean build, lips a thin line etched across his face as he squinted in concentration. After what felt like years, the old man looked up at his parents and nodded.

_"I would be willing to coach your son. He just may have potential."_

And just like that, he met his coach.

 

In the first grade, Victor learned that he was a monster for the second time.

This time, however, he also learned that monsters can wear masks.

_"Ah!"_ They shrieked, shrill voices scaring the crows away. _"It's the monster, Statue Vicky!"_ The children ran away in a flurry of giggles, tiny little feet stomping away to find the next thing to play with.

If Victor had feelings, he would be sad. Unfortunately, or fortunately, in this case, Victor doesn't have feelings. He turned back to his trampled sandcastle and began to mold a new one using his grainy, sore fingers.

_"Are you really a statue? Statues don't move."_ The boy swinging on the monkey bars asked. His hair was a striking shade of yellow, and Victor realized that he was the swiss transfer student, like the swiss cheese. He seemed to be waiting for an answer.

Victor shook his head. _"I am not a statue. I just don't have feelings."_ He said clearly, already forming a near perfect tower. _"They make fun of me because I don't cry like them."_

_"Are they the only ones who don't like you? I like you!"_

_"My parents don't like me very much. But my skating couch likes me. I think. He always has the face of those who say that they're angry. Anger is bad, right?"_

The boy laughed loudly. Victor wondered briefly if his laugh would sound as smooth as that. _"I skate too! But Victor, why don't you just pretend, then?"_

_"Pretend?"_

_"Yeah! Pretend that you have feelings! Your classmates and parents might like you if you do that!"_ The blonde grins. _"That's how actors get jobs!"_

_"But I don't feel anything from them. Why should I even pretend?"_ Victor doesn't care for their feelings when they don't even like him. Why should he bother to make an effort to act?

_"Don't you want to have feelings? If you pretend to have feelings, you might actually get them!"_

Victor thought heavily about what the strange boy had said. Did he really want feelings?

Sure, he didn't want to cry or scream, but he did want to laugh. He wanted people to stop running from him. He wanted to feel happy.

.....Is it possible to get back what was cruelly taken away from him, something that he was supposed to be born with and instead ripped from?

It didn't sound half bad at all to try. Victor looked up at him, hands leaving the chewed up, wet sand.

_"My name is Victor. Will you help me act?"_

The sun bounced off the blonde boy's hair. _"I'm Christophe, but you can call me Chris. Yes, I'll help you. I'd love to see what happens."_

They spent the rest of their recess to the fullest, with Chris giggling loudly at Victor's strange, wonky mouth and Victor trying his hardest to copy the upturned curve of his first friend's face.

 The sandcastle remained half built and broken until the day ended.

 

 

Victor graced his mother with the second smile he'd ever made, and the white dish she was holding broke on the hard tile floor. It reminded him of something.

She cheered loudly, taking her sweet little boy into her arms and spinning him around enthusiastically. He laughed, and it came out practiced, all tilted and fake, but she just laughed in relief and called his father to come out from the study room.

They laid down on the floor together, his mother's long, grey hair floating on the pieces of ceramic, his father's glasses tossed somewhere on the floor.

He smiled, the edges of his mouth scrunched up awkwardly.

It didn't work.

He wished he could feel disappointed.

 

They were in the eighth grade, both of them popular in both their school and the skating world, when Victor looked at Chris properly in his room, mask off and face stoic.

_"Chris. Why haven't I had feelings yet?"_ He looked at the posters of famous figure skaters that his father got for him for his birthday. _"You told me I would get them if I pretend."_

Chris hummed, belly flat down on Victor's bed with legs kicking high up in the air. _"Maybe you need to fall in love, Vicky."_

_"Don't you need feelings to fall in love?"_

_"Maybe someone's love for you might rekindle love inside you, love you didn't know you had!"_ Chris winked. _"You never know."_

Victor doesn't want to keep up the act forever. He wanted his promised feelings. _"You think so?"_

_"I know so."_

 

After dating some fans, Victor gave up. Maybe in a few years it'll come to him.

If he stayed with them too long, they would uncover the truth. It was bad for publicity.

He keeps up the flirty winks and confident smirks.

 

 

The book fell down on the floor, pages down, and cracked into pieces of brown and white.

When he picked up what's left of it, emptiness stared back at him.

 

 

 

He's an incredible figure skater at the top of his game when his coach suggested a short break for him. When he smiles questioningly, Yakov sighs. "You've been working too hard for so many years. You deserve some rest."

Ah, yes, now he understands. Since he doesn't feel joy from anything at all, he mostly focuses on the sport that has been there since he was young. There's nothing else he can do, despite everything being muted shades of grey.

"Oooh, a vacation!" He cheers in exactly the right tone to sound happy and not sarcastic. It took him a while to master emotional tones but he's passed that now. "How fun!"

"I would recommend Hasetsu. No crowds, peaceful, they even have an ice skating rink! Perfect for a short vacation."

"Okay! I trust your choice, coach!"

He just doesn't care at all.

 

 

He meets Katsuki Yuuri on his first day in Hasetsu.

He's a cute Japanese man who looks terrified of him during their first meeting. He instantly flirts, because it's good for publicity, and the man makes eye contact with him.

And despite meeting models a thousand more attractive than he is, dating celebrities who all seem to fill the dreams of an average fan, holding hands with extraordinary people featured in international magazines, Victor-......

Victor's heart skips a beat. 

It hurts and swells at the same time, like the harsh rhythm of a thousand drums, angry elephants running through his veins to his heart. Giddiness erupts through him, crashing like a tidal wave through his body, making him feel overwhelmed with happiness and joy. Confusion grips his brain by the hair and tugs, and yet he's sure this man could be his remedy, his cure. Ecstasy makes him want to grab this man by the wrists and dance. 

I-Is this what they call......love?

Excited for the first time in his life, he executes a very smooth pick up line on him.

He watches with barely concealed glee as the man blushes to the tips of his ears, the shade of the juiciest strawberries growing on a mountain that can't be climbed. His eyes dart all over the place. He must be nervous. How cute.

Unfortunately, he runs away as soon as he's able to, and where he sees bright, vivid colors leap away, dark shadows of grey laugh obnoxiously.

He feels angry. It bubbles him, makes him want to tear after the man and grab him by the collar to pull him back, uncaring of the rest of the world-

....Oh. Another worker is here. He wonders if she could help him.

Outside, he's politely asking for Yuuri's name and relationship status, but inside, emotions flood through him like his mother's tears, like the glass shards, like the crumbled sandcastle from way back when he was a child.

This is what love is.

He has to have him. Now that he's had a taste, he can't escape his high.

He doesn't want to.

 

 

He calls his coach to tell him he's staying in Hasetsu for a year, and he extends his vacation house contract. He wants to be as close to Yuuri as possible and observe him in his home town before they marry. How else will he continue to please the man he loves for the rest of his life?

The skater doesn't think he's jumping the gun at all. Yuuri is clearly the only one for him, and he knows the cute man is attracted to him. Even if he isn't, well...

Victor doesn't care.

 

 

When night fell over his bed, black spilling all over his bedroom in the form of shadows, Victor dragged him tired self to his bookshelf and slid the book back in the tight space left between his school textbooks. He went over to the hand mirror on his desk, and lifted it up. 

The lights were off and he could barely see anything else in the mirror other than himself.

_"The prince should have died."_ Victor whispered in the dark.  _"The witch cursed him for a reason."_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The witch's nails from which the curse was sprung were shards of brown and white.
> 
>  
> 
> Please tell me if I made any errors! I bounced from past tense to present tense a lot, and my eyes are immune from looking over this thing so many times to rewrite it! Thanks for the sweet comments!! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! I hope it isn't very disappointing...... Even though I'm not very good at writing them, I always had a soft spot for yandere/dark fics. Please give me your thoughts on this story so I can improve in the future. Thanks again :D


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